Baseball and Privilege

YOU ARE ENTITLED TO NOTHING!”

 exclaims Frank Underwood, the fictional President of the United States in the fictional Netflix original series House of Cards while trying to sell his fictional domestic policy agenda item, “America Works.”

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As good as Kevin Spacey’s acting is, I promise you it is fictional. Regardless, the man brings up some good points.

 Are there people in our American society who are unfairly entitled to things? Of course. White males generally tend to be more privileged.

 Should that be the case? Probably not. But I’ll save you the political discussion for now.

 Privilege exists at baseball stadiums and I damn near lose my mind when I see it happen. God didn’t create baseball, and apparently Abner Doubleday didn’t either (contrary to popular belief), so the game isn’t perfect. But America’s pastime exists for a reason: to give us something to do during the summer when boredom has drawn us close to death.

 “Hey do you want to go drink beer and eat hot dogs and pretend like we enjoy baseball?”

 oh okay

I’m only joking. I truly love baseball, but for those who didn’t grow up with it, it can be a tough sport to get into. The Wall Street Journal did a study and found that for every average 3-hour Major League Baseball game, about eighteen minutes of that is actually baseball action. That’s 162 minutes of nothing in every game. At the end of the 162-game MLB season, roughly 18 days have been spent doing nothing other than standing there, chewing tobacco, and adjusting crotches.

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Baseball is a good time, but I can see why a lot of people don’t like it.

 Attending your first pro baseball game is legendary experience. You’ve seen the games on TV and played little league, but now you’re there.

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Into the stadium you go, donned in a Cleveland Indians hat, an oversized shirt from 1995, and of course, a baseball glove to catch foul balls and home runs. Cherish that moment, because as you grow older, you become less and less likely to catch a foul ball or a home run. Friggin little kids get EVERYTHING at baseball games.

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 They are privileged and they don’t deserve it.

 I’m a laid back person, but when I’m sitting at a baseball game and I see a little kid run towards the field to try to catch a ball from a player, I cross my arms and turn into the overly conservative father who says things like “things ain’t the way they used to be. I miss my old America. This generation is causing our country to go to shit.”

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It is absurd for me to think that? Absolutely not. I grew up watching baseball. I’ve been to more games than that little kid. I’ve stuck with this team through trial and tribulation. I played little league baseball. Sure I quit in high school when I realized I was terrible at the sport, but I am more qualified to catch that baseball. It makes me even more furious thinking that maybe, just maybe, that kid’s dad is just going to forge a signature and sell the ball on eBay.

 It gets even worse. One time in your life, a foul ball will come straight to you and you will catch it. You’ll look down, and there it is: the little kid who ran to you from 99 rows away in order to get that ball appears out of nowhere, and he’s giving you the “You know you’re going to give me that ball cause you’re a jackass” look that every kid has perfected.

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And suddenly, while surrounded by the anxious speculation of other fans around you, you have to make a tough choice.

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You know you deserve that ball. God made the winds blow so that the ball came right to you, and you caught it because you have experience and hands made of feathers. If you give him the ball, you’re a jackass. If you don’t give him the ball, you’re still a jackass. This is the definition of privilege: if you don’t have the redeeming quality (in this case, being a kid), you can’t win.

 If you ever come across privilege in real life, you might be able to make the fair decision rather than the one that is popular with society, but not here. Not at the baseball stadium. You will always fall under peer pressure and give that ball to the kid. You appease him, saying, “Okay but I’m keeping the next one.” But you won’t. You’ll give him the ball every time.

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Suddenly, you’re France giving Czechoslovakia to Hitler under the rationale, “well he isn’t going to come back and ask for more.” BUT HE WILL KEEP COMING BACK BECAUSE THAT DAMN KID AT THE BASEBALL STADIUM KNOWS HE WILL ALWAYS WIN.

 This land is your land, this land is my land. From California, to the New York island. From the redwood forest, to the Gulf Stream waters. This land was made for you and me. Except for the baseball stadium because little kids own that place.

No level of parenting can avoid this. But my daddy taught me right because we always sat up high so I never had the chance to ask for a ball. Was this my dad’s intentions? Probably not. Were tickets way cheaper if we sat up high? Yes. But still. I’m older now and when I had the opportunity to sit up close, I cherished it. The field looks so much bigger from up close! I can see the players now!

 Until one day I caught a foul ball, looked down, and saw the kid looking at me.

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 I folded my arms, gave him the ball, and returned to the upper deck where I belong. Because I am a jackass, I do not have privilege, and I will be relegated to the periphery of the perpetual system that forever rages on at baseball stadiums.

 Kids, man. Brings me to tears.

Cooking 101: Delicious Food and a Dash of Feminism

“If you want to become a great chef, you have to work with great chefs. And that’s exactly what I did.”

 This beautiful quote by the legendary food connoisseur Gordon Ramsay inspired me to start cooking for myself. As a 20 year old college student, I’m pretty easily inspired, but unfortunately I don’t exactly have an unlimited supply of “great chefs” to surround myself with, like the genius Mr. Ramsay.

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 However, I do watch the Food Network a lot, and I learned quite a bit from Disney/Pixar’s Ratatouille.

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“Anyone can cook!” Damn right anyone can cook

I was watching the episode of Duck Dynasty where Jess, Miss Kay, and Phil go and sell boudin out of a food truck. The whole creole/Louisiana/Cajun theme got me in the mood for boudin and jambalaya, so I headed to the trusty Wal-Mart and gathered some ingredients.

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 Boudin – (noun.) pronounced like “BOO-DAN.” A food similar to sausage, but more fun to say.

My experience started out rough. A little bit of oil, a pan that was too hot, and a whole lot of smoke dampened my spirits, but like the true American I am, I pressed on. I wish I could tell you a tale of burnt food, a few good scars, and some terrible nutrition, but unfortunately that is not where this story goes. Why? Because literally anybody can cook.

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When I was a little tyke in kindergarten or pre-school or something, I remember hearing “just follow the directions.” I don’t know at what point in our lives we decide that we can do things on our own and stop following directions, but I held onto the notion that directions exist for a reason, and they’re beautiful. So I follow them like a true gentleman should. If you follow the directions when cooking, you can’t go wrong.

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Don’t let a lack of resources stop you from following your culinary dreams. I got chicken breast for my jambalaya and the package said “use a food thermometer and cook the chicken until it is 170 degrees.” Well I didn’t have a food thermometer, nor did I have any inclination to go buy one. I’m a smart kid, and the medical technology we have in the 21st century is incredible. Worst-case scenario, the chicken is undercooked, I sit on the toilet for a few days, have my stomach pumped, and then try it over again. It’s foolproof, right?

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Now I wish I could tell you a story about me getting sick, but I can’t. Because again, literally anybody can cook. I didn’t get food poisoning, and I still don’t have a food thermometer. But I do have a beautiful pot full of golden brown jambalaya and boudin.

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There are some things that are seriously hard to cook, like ratatouille, soufflés, and eggs over easy. But other than those delicacies, everything else is pretty self explanatory and basic. I decided I was always going to cook my own food from now on instead of eating out at Cane’s all the time or heating up a frozen pizza, so I made room in my budget to buy ingredients each month and I got to work, and WOW was it a good choice (not to mention, it’s also absurdly cheaper).

 Cooking is healthier than the aforementioned options. No longer will my cholesterol skyrocket due to high fructose corn syrup or other weird preservatives. I love being healthy, but I’m not a “no GMO no gluten no meat” kind of person. I just don’t eat things that are blatantly terrible for you.

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 Brief hiatus from the main idea: WARNING. IF YOU DON’T LIKE HEARING THINGS THAT YOU NEED TO BE TOLD, SKIP THIS SECTION.

If you hear someone who claims to be gluten-free, or vegetarian, or vegan, or something else that you think is weird, don’t be a turd and call them out on it. First of all, a lot of people are gluten-free because there’s this thing called celiac disease that causes people to not be able to eat gluten. But even if they don’t have a medical reason for making the food choices that they do, WHO CARES? Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean you can’t accept it. Let people be who they want to be. That goes for food choices, political views, sexual orientations, and really everything else in life.

 Rule #1: Treat others how you want to be treated. (read:“mind your own business and don’t be a cynical jerk”)

 Actually while I’m at it, I should probably touch on the whole “women belong in the kitchen thing.” If you adhere to this strange, sexist rule, then I politely remind you that it is 2015, not the 1600s.

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Furthermore, men belong in the kitchen too because food is delicious and anyone can cook.

Cast away all your gross sexist notions and stereotypes. It’s weird and I am embarrassed for you.

 OKAY THE HIATUS IS OVER. Back to cooking!

 I touched on this briefly in one of my previous posts: people of the opposite gender love when you cook for them. Especially when you’re a college guy. They’ll be like, “oh my goodness when did you learn how to cook!?” when all I did was heat up some frozen vegetables on the stove. It’s because nobody cooks anymore, and it’s truly depressing. When you hear your uncle say “this world is headed to shit! Things aren’t the way they used to be anymore!” He’s talking about the fact that less and less people are cooking their own food.

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This isn’t to disrespect people who actually cook for a living, like Gordon Ramsay and Emeril Lagasse, because there is a huge gap between them and me. If you want to actually learn how to do things like cook incredible foods, open a restaurant, or bake cakes that are cool as hell, then you need to go to culinary school. But if you’re just trying to be healthy or save some money, cooking yourself a beautifully crafted dinner every once in a while is a good start.

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If you want to live a life full of high fructose corn syrup, artificial preservatives, and high cholesterol, then follow your dreams. But for all of you who are sensible and plan on living to be 100, look up some recipes for boudin and jambalaya and get to the kitchen!

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Happy cooking!

Pure Terror

I can’t say I know anybody who likes spiders. I suppose there are some nature fiends out there who do weird things like make clothes out of weeds and eat crickets that probably like spiders.

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But for most of us, spiders are an absolute “no thank you.”

Supposedly, the fear of spiders, or “arachnophobia”, is the most common fear amongst humans. Which is kind of weird when you think about it, considering dying is also on the list of things we could be afraid of. But then again, we always hear people joke about dying.

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I don’t think I’ve ever heard anybody say, “wow dude. Studying for finals really sucks. I just wish I were laying in a bathtub covered in spiders.” The truth of the matter is that spiders are scary shit for all, but for some more than others. Most of us will see a spider and jump a bit, but then kill it and go on with our day. But some people would rather die than see a spider.

Something out there exists that is more terrifying than spiders. 7.2 billion people on God’s green Earth and this event will promise to incite pure terror in all of us.

Venture back to your childhood days, and picture yourself at the supermarket with your mother. You’re standing in the check-out line with her, candy bar in hand, when she says those 8, life-changing words:

“Stay here. I’ll be back in a second.”

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FORGET IT. THAT’S IT. LIFE AS WE KNOW IT IS DONE. GAME OVER.

You know this feeling, and you know why it’s worse than death.

Stay.”

 Stay? You want me to stay? Am I a dog? No I’m not. Because a dog wouldn’t understand how mortifying this situation is. Literally anything could go wrong.

Stay here.”

 Here? In this line with all the grown ups? I’m just a kid! I am not nearly old enough to have all this responsibility. YOU WANT ME TO STAY HERE ALONE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I’D RATHER BATHE IN SPIDERS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

 “Stay here. I’ll be back.”

Look mom. I know you aren’t coming back. You expect me to pay for this myself, with the imaginary money that I don’t have. I see how it is. This is the end. Say goodbye. Write the obituary. It’s been real, Earth, but it’s my time to go.

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Stay here. I’ll be back in a second.”

This is when children learn the Theory of Relativity. As Albert Einstein once said, “Relativity is simple. One second seems like a millisecond when you’re doing something you love, but one second seems like a day when you’re standing in line at the grocery store without your mother. That’s relativity.” He was a smart man, but any level of intelligence is not enough to rationalize this situation. It is pure terror. No bigger lie has ever been told than “just a second”.

I could be kidnapped and my mom would never know about it, because she’s busy going to look for the parsley that she forgot. Parsley. My mother is more concerned about a tasteless garnish than she is for my life. What happens if I get to the front of the line, and I have to say the cashier, “Sorry I can’t pay. My mom has the money and she isn’t here right now.” I would look like such a jackass! Or even worse, what if someone else tries to talk to me?

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How about that multiplication you’re learning there in the third grade? Pretty tough isn’t it?”

I wouldn’t be able to muster up an answer. I would stand there in agonizing pain, thinking “yes multiplication is hard” while slowly throwing up on the cash register over the idea of being so alone.

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I see my mom around the corner. “Thank God” I think to myself, dabbing the sweat off my forehead. “I found the parsley” she says.

I DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR STUPID PARSLEY. I ALMOST DIED,” I think to myself while quietly smiling to my mother.

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The day goes on, but the situation doesn’t get better. I lie in my bed at night thinking about standing alone in that god-forsaken line, and how close I was to dying that day.

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Nothing — spiders, thunderstorms, dying, or anything else – is worse than standing alone in the grocery line. It’s truly agonizing.

Growing out of this fear will not happen. I realized this the other day. There I was, a 20 year old, 6’4” male, standing in line at Wal-Mart with my roommate, when he said, “hey I forgot the eggs. I’ll be right back.” And walked away.

The contents of my stomach turned to liquid.

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When you get older and have kids, you might think leaving them alone in line at Wal-Mart is a good lesson for them, but I guarantee you that they will learn nothing. Fear is not meant to be messed with.

If Hitler wanted to take over the world, he could have just taken everyone to the grocery store and said, “hey guys I’ll be right back. I have to go get the cake mix.”

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Take this as a lesson on parenting. Save a child, stay in line.

Life, Liberty, but mostly the Pursuit of Happiness

I hate lists. I’m totally kidding I love them! The United States was literally built on a giant list. Look at the Declaration of Independence. It’s a list of things every person should have, followed by a list of reasons why the King sucks, then a list of things the colonists are going to do instead of listening to the King, and lastly a list of people who signed it.

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Lists are friggin awesome.

 For most of you, this is probably a list full of things you’ve heard. But you learn by hearing things over and over again right? I could title this post “A list of things I’ve learned that make me super wise, while assuming you guys are dumb and don’t already know this blatantly obvious stuff.

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Or maybe “A list of things I do that make me perfect and that everyone else should also do” would be more fitting.

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Perhaps “List that every college kid feels obliged to write at some point or another.”

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 Either way, the entries on this quick list are the reasons why I’m happy in life. I learned a lot of them when I became a real adult and moved across the country to go to college, while others I learned watching my classmates and realizing what qualities people do and don’t like in a person. So read, giggle, and learn.

You need to clean your damn house.

God created the 7th day for sleeping, eating junk food, and cleaning the house. Especially the bathroom. You need to find a good, bleach-based cleaner to spray down the bathroom, and do it often, because bleach kills the flu and ebola. If your roommate is gross, spraying bleach on them will probably fix that too. Mold isn’t a joke. Besides, when people visit your house, you shouldn’t have to scramble to put stuff away.

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Be scared of finances.

Being scared of paying bills is what keeps me financially stable and ahead of the game. The “I need to pay rent next July, so I can’t buy this $1 candy bar” mentality is kind of absurd and irrational, but it’s what keeps you from over-drafting your bank account in the long run. It’s good to be scared of running out of money. Plus, when you keep track of your funds, you know when you can go spend 2 month’s rent worth of money on a tattoo. You know, gotta treat yo self.

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TV is a giant waste of cash.

Holy hell I am so much better off without a TV. Literally everything you want can be found online. Check the weather and news on websites that are actually decent and reliable instead of watching FOX News or CNN or something that is just going to scare you and take your money. Stream sports online for free through ESPN and the like. Seriously. I can’t believe people spend money on cable bills.

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Cook your own food.

I guess everything comes down to money when you think about. But still, cooking is a good skill to have. It saves money and people of the opposite gender love that kind of stuff. You can literally take some green beans out of a bag, steam them for three minutes, serve it to your guest, and convince them that you are some sort of cooking god. It’s mindblowing, and healthy. Again, if you’re good with finances, you’ll have enough money saved up to go to Cane’s for some chicken fingers every now and then.

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Mind your own business.

Your neighbors might be loud, but they aren’t going to hurt you. However, if you call the cops on them or start dating their side chick, they’re going to be more inclined to egg your house, steal your cat, or terrorize you for the rest of your life. Just chill out, be nice, and mind your own business.

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Don’t be a tool.

This kind of goes along with minding your own business. It’s hard to meet new people, especially when you move across the country to a place you’ve never been. You have to make a good impression on people for them to notice you in a big city, and being a tool isn’t going to help. Don’t try to impress anyone, because I guarantee it will just turn everyone off. It’s a big cliché, and I seriously hate clichés, but they exist for a reason. Be yourself. Unless you’re a douchebag, cause then you should be someone else.

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Find a quiet place.

Like I said: sometimes your neighbors are going to be loud. Sometimes you might hear some yelling, or thunder, or sirens, or something you don’t like. Find yourself a sanctuary: a place you can go to feel secure. Even if it means locking yourself in your bathroom and turning on the fan. Go to your happy place, put in some headphones, and relax. You’ll be okay.

“Sanctuary… is a word which here means a small, safe place in a troubling world. Like an oasis in a vast desert or an island in a stormy sea.” – Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events

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You need to ask questions in class.

If people judge you for asking too many questions in class, then they’re most likely doing nothing important in life other than wasting their parents’ money at college. You will lose nothing by asking questions in class, but you will gain a lot. Participation points, better test scores, a good GPA, letters of recommendation, a job, etc. Seriously, the list goes on and on. Ask questions.

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Read your textbooks.

You can most likely get away with not reading the textbook if you go to every class and take good notes. But if you read the textbook and do your homework, you can probably get away with sleeping in class or never even going. Don’t be disrespectful of your teachers when doing this, but time is money in college. If you read the textbook, you can afford to skip a class when you need to work on another project. Besides, you probably already spent absurd amounts of money on the books. May as well get to reading.

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Set a routine, not a schedule.

Every morning, I wake up, eat breakfast, read my Bible, workout, and then go to class. I have my routine, but some days I need to read more of the Bible, or eat more breakfast, or workout for a little longer than usual. Manage your time according to your needs. It’ll keep you on the fast track to happiness.

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Find your joy.

Don’t do anything unless it makes you happy. Obviously you have to do some things you might not like now (going to class, paying bills, etc.), but doing those will make you happy in the long run. Life isn’t long enough to waste time stressing or doing things to make other people happy.

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The beauty of life is that everyone is different, but I wish more people shared a similar amount of happiness. Even when I was depressed I was able to find the little things to make me happy. Find out what those are for you, and if sometimes life gets too much to handle, take a deep breath and take each day one at a time. Another good solution to relieve stress would be to write a list. I’m telling you. God put lists on this Earth to make people happy. That and chicken fingers.

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So go out, be happy, and find your joy. I believe in you.

Dog’s are a man’s best friend? You have cat to be kitten me right meow

Everything we experience in life falls into sort of a spectrum. And whether you like it or not, you rank EVERYTHING in your life. Think about it. We often find ourselves rating different things or events using the “1-10 scale”. Taking surveys, you see “strongly disagree, disagree, neutral, etc.”. Gas tanks have a meter, not just “full” or “empty”. With literally everything you encounter, you’re comparing it to something.

In a similar fashion, all of the people we meet fall on a spectrum. As terrible as it sounds, you rank people, and you know it. Of course, you’ll say, “No way. Not me. I don’t judge people. I get to know them first.” But you know that’s a bunch of BS. You judge people. Everyone does.

Now I’m not going to go on a spiel telling you that you shouldn’t judge people, because it’s not exactly the worst thing you could possibly do. Judging people lets us forget about that people who would end up bringing more stress into our lives. Of course, judging causes us to pass up a few diamonds in the rough. But forgive and forget.

 Think of everybody you know, and let’s look at both ends of the scale.

Picture that one person you know who is just absolutely annoying. They chew with their mouth open, they always talk too loudly, and they’re always up in your personal space. It’s like they’re personal, but too personal, and it kind of makes you want to stop and say, “Okay hold on. What the hell is your problem? Why are you always up in my business?” You’re literally seconds away from losing your shit every time you see their face.

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Fortunately, there are two sides to every spectrum. Opposite of this annoying loser is the beautiful friend who has incredible manners, a fantastic personality, and minds their own personal space. When you find this person, you breathe a sigh of relief, and even might call home and say, “Mom, I found her. She’s the one. I’m bringing her home.”

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Now think back to this first friend: the loud one who sucks and is overall just a shitty person. If you want a perfect illustration of this friend, well, that’s a perfect description of a DOG. Like this one.

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And that perfect friend that you’re bringing home to love and enjoy the beautiful scents of candles and the finer things in life like cuddling and canned tuna, well, that’s a CAT. Truly incredible animals.

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I get that a lot of you will be saying, “HELL NAH. DOG’S ARE A MAN’S BEST FRIEND.” And you are probably ready to slit my throat. But while you are flinging around errant apostrophes and bathing your muddy and nasty dog, you will continue reading, because you know what is truly good for you, unlike your stupid dog. Mark Twain even said, “If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.”

And if you want to disagree with Mark Twain, well, I’ll let his legacy do the talking.

I can listen to people talk all day about why dogs are better than cats, but I will refute every point they bring up. It is my life’s duty to prove this to you. Keep an open mind and you will see why you made a terrible decision in choosing a dog over a beautifully intelligent cat. But if you decide to keep your mind closed and refuse to be understanding, I get it. I mean after all, it takes a truly terrible person to believe that a dog is better than a feline.

To believe a dog is a man’s best friend is absurd, but how do we define “best friend”? Henry Ford, creator of the Ford Model T and the founder of Ford Motor Company said, “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.” That’s a pretty good definition, right? We often think our best friend is just there to make us happy, but if we can find someone to make us happy and bring out the best in us, well, that’s a no brainer.

But what exactly does “bring out the best in me” mean? Like, what is “the best in me”? It’s okay. You don’t need to have an existential crisis to figure this one out. Famous psychologist Abraham Maslow already had this crisis for us, specifically for this occasion. And with his crisis came his Hierarchy of Needs. Saul McLeod of simplepsychology.com gives a pretty solid description of the Hierarchy of Needs:

“Maslow wanted to understand what motivates people. He believed that people possess a set of motivation systems unrelated to rewards or unconscious desires. Maslow (1943) stated that people are motivated to achieve certain needs. When one need is fulfilled a person seeks to fulfill the next one, and so on.”

So it works like a pyramid, like this one below.

Maslow-hierarchy

This step at the top, “self actualization” is what Ford talks about when he says “brings out the best in me.” A best friend is someone who helps you achieve your full potential.

Now how far up this pyramid will a dog get us? Will they make us feel safe? Sure. And they might even make us feel loved and help boost our self esteem. But before you get too far ahead of yourself, let me warn you:

This is extremely dangerous.

A dog will not help you achieve your full potential. The better question is:

WHY ARE YOU LETTING AN ANIMAL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND?!”

And I get it. We just need to be loved, and feel protected. But not by a dog.

And this is why cats are better. They teach us to live up to our full potential. I know you might be saying, “What? This is shit! My cat is an asshole!” And they totally are.

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But it is in this indirect fashion that they teach us to be real and to become the best human being that we can be. So let’s discuss it.

When you try to cuddle your cat, they turn their cheek as if to say, “Bro. You’re a human. You need to get out there and find another human to love you. Or something. Just not an animal like me. You are a rational human being and you can do it. I believe in you.”

You think your dog is good for guarding your house? I mean it probably is. I get it. I wish I had a huge, gross dog to bark at the window every time a butterfly flew by, but what happens when a dude with a gun breaks in and your dog is acting like this?

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Meanwhile, your smart, beautiful cat has ran away and is now hiding under the bed asking you, “are you kidding? This is what you get for relying on a dog to protect your house. Again, you are a rational human being. Why in the hell did you think an animal would be a better guard than an actual defense system? You deserved this.”

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Thinking your dog will keep you 100% safe is a fallacy and it’s dangerous to believe. On the other hand, a cat will certainly not protect you. Nobody has “guard cats”. People who own cats learn to be self reliant and resourceful, and as Ralph Waldo Emerson says, “Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” Having a cat will teach you not only to be more self-reliant physically, but to be safer and more prepared in other aspects of life.

Dogs also suck cause they are simply a burden. You have to clean up after them every time they use the bathroom, you have to give them baths, and you have to take them on walks. And you might say “every dog is different. They don’t need that much exercise.”But the ASPCA says otherwise, saying if you don’t exercise your dog, they can develop “destructive chewing, garbage raiding, hyperactivity, unruliness, and play biting.” Cats teach us hygiene, not how to be a burden.

I’m still stuck on the idea that some people think dogs are man’s best friend. I have never heard something so absurd. Just kidding I totally have. But honestly, dogs kinda suck.

 Now I won’t go as far as Disney did and say that everybody wants to be a cat.

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But they truly are the smarter animal.

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 They help us achieve our full potential, be it in an indirect manner. And for that, it is not dogs, but CATS, that are truly man’s best friend.

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